Ex back: the top 10 mistakes you should avoid at all costs

Dominik Borde 06 Nov> Reading time: 5 minutes

The ex back / Back to the ex: If you are reading this text and you realize mistakes you have already made, don’t add to the problem by beating yourself up emotionally for it. Instead, start immediately to implement the instructions given in the best way possible.

Here are the top 10 mistakes most people make that you should avoid at all costs. If any of these sound familiar, try to stop as soon as possible!

The ex back / Back to the ex: Top 10 mistakes

Mistake 1: "I can’t go on living without you"

The ex-partner or. chase after the ex-partner, pester him or her, "accidentally" run into him or her, call or contact him or her. Does this sound familiar? Keeping a distance of at least 7 weeks is perhaps the most difficult part of the strategy and at the same time an essential step on your way to success!

Your partner has broken up with you and wants distance from you. Respect and accept this desire in any case!

Love and attraction do not come from being permanently present and certainly not from harassing, chasing or running after a person! Give him or her a chance to miss you! You might think that if you don’t keep in touch permanently, you will be forgotten. Exactly the opposite is true! Even if he or she has a new partner, you increase your chance – to arouse his or her interest again – many times over, if you do NOT contact them!

If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend contacts you during this time, keep the conversation short, concise and friendly. Above all, don’t just pretend to be busy, but actually use the time positively for yourself.

Live and invest in yourself as if you want to be alone forever and be open to new things.

Only after you have passed this 7-week phase, you can contact him/her again. The best way to do this is to contact him or her by text message, email, or – best of all – by phone and set up a no-obligation meeting. About the words:

"Hi, long time no hear from you! Feel like going out for a coffee, would be happy to see you again. "

Be as independent as possible from the outcome of the agreement and choose a neutral place for it (coffee, bookstore, park, nice public place). The former favorite Italian restaurant or the shared park bench where you once got to know each other better is emotionally overloaded and unsuitable for this purpose. If you don’t get a response, don’t get back to them until about two weeks later.

But avoid mailbox messages or text messages according to the motto:

"Got in touch with you! Where are you, what are you doing, why aren’t you contacting you?"

On your first meeting after a breakup, focus on being in a good mood and leaving a positive feeling with your significant other. That’s all! Imagine that you are just getting to know your ex-partner. Flirt a little and have fun with it, until you are ready to do so, it is too early to make contact! Use the time after the breakup intensively for your well-being, especially if you plan to win him or her back.

You can find more information about this on my website, in my books or you can find out about a personal coaching.

Mistake 2: "Am poor victim, need pity"

You must avoid public suffering and consciously or unconsciously wanting to arouse pity! Try not to look like the poor one in any way! No one wants to be with a victim. We desire people who don’t need us and can be on their own. Put yourself in your ex-partner’s shoes and look at yourself from his or her eyes!

  • What would make you seem desirable and attractive?
  • What did you represent at the beginning of your relationship?
  • How did you behave?
  • How did the person your ex-partner fell in love with behave?
  • What do you find attractive and appealing in a partner??

Find answers to them and act according to what you find out about them.

Mistake 3: "It’s your fault, what have you done to me"

Spare yourself and your ex-partner any accusations and blame. Instead, take responsibility for your life into your own hands and avoid problem conversations and discussions about the past.

If you really want to create a happy future with your ex-partner, you have to make him/her feel as comfortable as possible in your presence. Resentful behavior, wallowing in the same topics forever and boring problem talk lead to the exact opposite of love and attraction.

Instead, focus on holding up positive aspects of the past and charting new paths for your future with or without this partner. Even if it seems difficult, people do the best they can from their point of view at the moment. A person as evil, bad, wrong, etc. Judging him or her prevents him or her from wanting to be close to you again.

Mistake 4: "I don’t think we are actually separated"

When something particularly painful happens to us in life, such as a death or the loss of a great love, we tend to deny the fact. We then act as if nothing happened, because this feels better than having to endure the emotional impact of a blow of fate. A partner who has left you wants to be taken seriously and respected in his or her decision.

Love means to love someone the way they are, even if they don’t meet your expectations. You have a good opportunity in this situation to demonstrate this impressively by accepting the decision to break up with you. My advice if you REALLY want your ex(s) back!

Mistake 5: "Please talk to him/her!"

If you have something to say, save it for after the 6-7 week communication stop. Do not try to contact the best friend or manipulate mutual friends at all. Consciously keeping them out of these matters. Asking your ex-partner’s best friend for details is guaranteed to backfire.

Don’t waste your time looking to friends or acquaintances for solutions to your relationship problems. Seek professional advice and counsel if necessary.

Mistake 6: "Let’s be friends"

Never, I repeat, never get involved in a friendship with your ex-partner! This would be counterproductive, as you would be permanently blocking any passion and thus the possibility of getting the ex back. Only when you can wish your ex-partner a happy and new relationship in life, without ifs and buts, are you ready for friendship.

Mistake 7: "I’m always looking to see what he or she is up to."

Of course, it’s painful to imagine that your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend has met someone new and may be about to start a new relationship with him/her. Checking the Facebook account or the email account, circling around the apartment you used to share, making calls in the middle of the night and hanging up again, spying on him or her, etc., all this will only make you feel worse and worry and worry unnecessarily. It prevents you from developing yourself and using the time of separation in the best possible way to be well prepared – for the moment after the communication stop.

This rule is an absolute MUST! Don’t control anything, don’t ask questions and in any case try to get as much distance as possible. You need your emotional power and the charisma of a winner. If you actually want to make a difference, don’t blow this chance!

Mistake 8: "Let’s talk about it"

Avoid problem talk and conversations about what led to the breakup and what problems were present within the relationship. This usually leads to falling back into old patterns and confirming to your partner the reasons for the breakup in the long term. Instead, focus on having a good time together and showing a little more of what brought you together in the first place. Read especially my work on attraction, increasing attractiveness and flirting behavior.

Mistake 9: "Uhh. I’m fine anyway "

A common and negative behavior is not to openly tell the other person how you feel, but to let it leak out, so to speak, in order to make the ex-girlfriend / ex-boyfriend feel guilty for your suffering. Many people use this tactic because they are not brave enough to be honest about what bothers them about the other person or what they have had problems with in the past. Also this behavior decreases the chance of getting back the ex or. get back to the ex, significantly.

If you’re not ready to forgive, save yourself the contact and work on yourself until you think you’ve dealt with and digested the past. You can find a coach or professional counselor for this, it saves time and is more effortless than trying to move past an issue that is emotionally powerful on your own.

Mistake 10: "I love you no matter how you treat me"

The way you treat yourself teaches the world how to treat you. Never, I repeat, never allow yourself to treat yourself badly by accepting everything and agreeing to any behavior.

This has nothing to do with love and makes your ex-partner lose all respect for you! At this point, just think about whether you yourself would find it sexy and attractive if a man / woman wanted to be with you at any cost. Denying one’s own values and needs and tolerating unacceptable behavior looks unattractive and needy to any other person.

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