Usually, after 50, you have a small but nice circle of friends that you have built up over the decades. On the one hand, it’s good because you know what you have and there are no unpleasant surprises. On the other hand, this is bad, because there are usually no more surprises at all.
The other day the husband came home beaming with joy and asked me if I would like to cook together with a colleague and her husband. At their home. In the evening. At the weekend.
With me immediately all alarm bells shrilled. For one thing, the man’s cooking skills are limited to three dishes: pancakes, greaves with vegetables and Indian curry; for another, this couple is only in their early 30s. That’s a difference of 20 years, you don’t even want to say that out loud, it sounds so old! And I don’t know either of them. How risky is that?
Time travel back to the 30s
And then this couples cooking – haven’t we already worked it off 20 years ago in our 30s? I sit in my home office all week, so I’m glad when I don’t have to wield the wooden spoon on the weekend and can hand over this task to an excellent restaurant.
But the most risky thing: It would be a blind date. And the first rule of blind dates is: never date at home, but first in a cafe. If the other person then turns out to be a bore or a pushy Casanova, you can have a friend call you after an agreed period of time and quickly and easily look for the way out. I have tested this extensively in my time as a single woman, so you can believe me.
Silent or talkative?
I generously put aside the Casanova thought, but the fear of running into a bored couple remained. What if they are unsympathetic to me? What if they are uptight and don’t understand my humor? What if they are uncommunicative, answering only yes or no to every question, or after a few minutes of chopping vegetables we are silent?. Or worse, what if they are chatterboxes?
It happens to me again and again that complete strangers tell me their entire life story in the train, in the supermarket or in the ladies’ room – and that without asking me a single question in return. So I stand or sit too often in front of strangers who enthusiastically pour out their hearts to me, while I nod politely and frantically look for a way to get away. Meanwhile, time seems to stand still. In my mind’s eye I hear crickets chirping, and every now and then I see a dried-up bush from a western rolling past us.
So please no, no blind-date-couple-cooking-evening!
But darn it, I’m far too good-natured. Why did I also marry such a charming guy, who I can refuse little to? At least I prevailed, and the evening cooking together became a joint breakfast. And it was fun! We ate, we drank, we laughed – without embarrassing pauses or stupid chatter. And you also have to think about the advantages: we know a lot about the 30s, and I even still have some original clothes from that time in my closet. Vintage fashion, so to speak, and then that’s hip again! Does one say at all still hip? I’ll have to ask the new young couple in our circle of friends soon.
Valerie Muller is a u-40 blogger, PR consultant, enthusiastic late mother and the editor and author of Life40up!
7 comments to: "Blind date for couples, or: How to find new friends over 50?"
Oh how nice! I smiled and laughed heartily at the visualization of your darkest fears u.v.a. I am glad that you finally had such a great experience (the question remains, how your husband knows these two… With the small age difference…& And at the next meeting, please wear the clothes from 20 years ago, ok?? WITH photo for us of course … & Love greetings!
Dear Annette, we are talking about my husband’s work colleagues – so no dodgy dating portals. &
And? Do we need new friends? And how do you find them?
That depends entirely on yourself. If you feel comfortable with the friends you have and don’t miss anything, then everything is fine. If you want to make new friends, you have to become active. Just sit down at a "stranger’s" table in the canteen, ask someone in the supermarket for their opinion on a product that is in their shopping cart; sports club; forums of the big women’s magazines … there are so many possibilities – but unfortunately no guarantee for new friends. &
I would also be interested in. How do you find? If you don’t necessarily want to join a sports club or go to a dog school with your – non-existent – dog, don’t want to become a pub-goer with weekly bowling/skittles, what else remains?? Internet portals that are predominantly in the sexual direction…. I often ask myself, how did we do it in the past. Through the children had constantly new contacts and those also still regularly. However, as soon as the children are out of the house, there is an enormous gap in leisure activities.
How do you do it? LG Ahnna
Dear Anna, I have given above at xyz already some tips for meeting new friends. Without being active yourself, the chance of making new friends is indeed slim. On the Internet there are of course other ways to get to know each other than relevant dodgy portals. On Facebook there are z.B. to almost every field of interest groups. The exchange there is often very cordial and open, so that new contacts are quickly made. I have already met many people this way, with whom I then also met privately. Even if you don’t live next door to each other, beautiful friendships can develop. Becoming active yourself helps enormously ;-). But as I said: There is no guarantee that friendships will develop out of it. LG Valerie from Life40up!
I’m just facing the same problem, I’m just so beautiful at the beginning or in the middle of menopause and I must say I feel so really humble. After my divorce "friends" disappeared into thin air, due to the children, remarriage and now finally a move, there was no time for friendships/acquaintances and those who remained are more busy with themselves or can’t join in yet. Actually, I’m an open person, but somehow I feel I don’t belong anywhere anymore?
Does anyone know that?