First kiss: who kisses whom?

First kiss Why the first kiss is not a "man thing

I’m sorry to brag a bit here first, but this is important to make my point clear. All right, ready? Okay. Here goes: I’ve kissed over 20 women in my life – and I don’t mean kisses. I think I can say that I am not an unkissed prince. Or frog. Or whatever. But (and here comes the point, the reason why I am so embarrassingly blabbing from the sewing box here): The first kiss was NEVER from me. Never.

A first kiss (like all) must be a mutual one

Well, that’s how it is. I have never just kissed a woman I have just met. I have also never put my mouth on a woman’s mouth without a clear indication – not even said to a woman that she should now please kiss me. (I also wonder why this is always said to the man at weddings.) Maybe I once asked a woman if she wanted to kiss me. Of course, there was that "head laid to the side with eyes closed getting closer and closer until only a comet crash or lightning strike can prevent the lips from being touched". But even that was always an approach from both sides. In many cases, however, it was the women who kissed me. Some demanding-openly, others rather groping and cautious, but clearly initiating. Some started verbally and said, for example: "Shall we kiss now??" Well, now. Went too.

I don’t just kiss when I want to – because she might not want to

All this didn’t happen by chance or because I’m a fool who just doesn’t get what’s going on. Okay, yes, maybe sometimes. But I don’t do anything kissing-wise, if their signals are clear and I can interpret them. Why? Because there is always the possibility that she might not want it after all. And because I can’t imagine anything worse between two people than one imposing his will on the other without being asked. It would just feel wrong to me – even if it would be accepted and maybe even reciprocated in the end. Okay, that is now stupid for the shy women. But it’s just as stupid for shy men – and if we agree to say or ask something first, the shyness might not be so bad anymore.

It also comes to the first kiss, if it does not start from the man

It’s nonsense that something is lost when men don’t kiss women just like that. No one has to give up anything. If in the wake of the #MeToo revelations, men – and even women – said that (at least once in a while) it’s "just a matter of time", then it’s not If it is said that the man takes the initiative at the first kiss, that the prince must kiss the princess, that is just the way it is, then this is wrong. The famous "first step" – that is so far mostly a kiss – can not only come from the man, if there is a danger that this step does not go in the direction desired by the woman. It’s a matter of principle: The man is usually superior to the woman in terms of strength – and he must never take advantage of that. Conversely, this also means that women must sometimes take the first step – at least verbally. Or that it’s okay if the man simply asks beforehand. This, of course, means that the questioner may have to say "no" accepted. Either way, what’s wrong with a man waiting for a woman to say, "Kiss me already"?? Or something like this.

If the woman wants the man to kiss first, she can tell him yes

If a woman is really into being dominated by a man in terms of kissing, that is absolutely legitimate, no question about it. But so that no misunderstandings arise, she should perhaps do without this kick, at least for the first kiss. Another possibility: She could mention in the conversation, which usually precedes a kiss, that she likes to be pressed against a wall and kissed by a guy without being asked. Or whatever it may be. If she only tells this to the guy she really wants to kiss, she can hope that her wish will come true. Unless, of course, that guy is me – but let’s not go there.

The times when men, like in old Hollywood movies, simply kiss with a bear-like "haps" are over!" press their mouths to that of a woman are over. If the kiss doesn’t just happen, it’s best if both of them just talk about it for a while. Never made a kiss worse.

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