Sadhguru: In English, to fall in love means: "falling in love" (literally: "falling in love"). This is very apt, because no one ascends into love or climbs into love. You fall in love because a part of you must go. If not your entire being, at least some part of you should fall into place. Only then is it a love relationship. You are ready to give up a part of yourself in favor of the other one. That means someone else has become much more important than yourself.
Unfortunately, what most people understand by "love" is just a deal from which both sides get their benefit.
One day a man named Shankaran Pillai went to a park. There sat a beautiful woman on a stone bench. He sat down with her on the bench. After a few minutes he slid a little closer to her. She slipped away from him. He waited a few minutes and again moved a little closer in her direction. She avoided him. He waited again a little and slid further in her direction. Now she sat at the end of the bench. He reached out his arm and touched her. She pushed him away. He just sat there for a while, then dropped to his knees, picked a flower and handed it to her, saying, "I love you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before."
It became soft. In the intoxication of feelings she gave herself to him. So time passed and evening came. Shankaran Pillai got up and said, "I have to go now. It’s eight o’clock and my wife is waiting for me."
She cried, "How, you go? You just said you love me!"
"Yes, but it’s time. I must go!"
Usually we set up frameworks for our relationships that are comfortable for us and from which we benefit. People have physical, psychological, emotional, financial or social needs. One of the most effective ways to meet these needs is to tell people, "I love you." This so-called "love" Has become like a mantra: "Open Sesame." By saying that, you are trying to get what you want.
Everything we do serves in some way to fulfill certain needs. When you realize this, there is a way to let love become your natural trait. But people continue to lie to themselves by believing that the relationships they have entered into because they bring convenience, comfort and well-being are actually love relationships. I am not saying that there is no experience of love in all these relationships, but it is within certain limits. It doesn’t matter how many times "I love you" has been said – if a few expectations and requirements aren’t met, everything falls apart.
How to love unconditionally
When talking about love, it is always said that it must be unconditional. In fact, there is no such thing as conditional or unconditional love. It’s a simple fact: there are conditions and there is love. The moment a condition is present, it is an agreement. Maybe a beneficial deal, maybe a good agreement – maybe many people have made excellent agreements in life – but that will not fulfill you, that will not transfer you to another dimension. It is just convenient.
When you talk about "love" it doesn’t have to be pleasant, because most of the time it’s not. It takes away your life force. Love is not something beautiful, because it gnaws at you. If you want to be in love, you shouldn’t be. You as a person must be ready to fall, only then it can happen. If you maintain a strong personality in this process, it’s just a pleasant situation, that’s all. We need to realize: what is a deal and what is a real love relationship? A love relationship does not have to be with a particular person. You can have a wonderful love relationship with life.
What you do and what you don’t do depends on your environment. Our actions are based on external circumstances. What you do outside of yourself is always subject to a variety of conditions. But love is an inner state – how you are inside can definitely be unconditional.
Make love your way of being
If you are a piece of life, it is natural to love. Everyone is capable of love, but unfortunately many people have crippled themselves with all sorts of belief systems, opinions, philosophies and ideologies – all except life.
Love is not imported from heaven
Many people proclaim that they love God, or believe that God loves them. It is assumed that love is something that must be imported from heaven. But does anyone really know whether God loves or not? We bow to the creator of this great creation – a creation that is simply overwhelming. We bow to the Creator, but we don’t know if He is love or bliss or peace.
Love is a human emotion
Human beings are capable of love if they want to. Unfortunately, we want to export everything beautiful in our life to the sky and live on this planet without any consideration. Love, joy, bliss – these are human possibilities.
A simple process
Love has nothing to do with anyone else. Love is never between two people. It is something that happens inside you, and what happens inside you does not have to be subservient to anyone else. Sit down and look at something that has no meaning to you for 15 to 20 minutes a day – maybe a tree or a pebble, a worm or an insect. After some time you will realize that you can look at it with as much love as you look at your wife, husband, mother or child. Maybe the worm does not know that. It does nothing. If you look at everything lovingly, the whole world becomes beautiful in your perception. You realize that love is not something you do – love is your way of being.