A separation is always difficult. Depending on how long you were together, your mourning period can also extend over a longer period of time. A breakup brings with it a lot of pain and suffering, and not infrequently the desire to win back your ex-partner arises. This does not have to be so far-fetched. Below, we’ll give you some helpful tips that can help you win back your ex-girlfriend.
Find out if you really want to get back your ex-girlfriend
When you go through a breakup, you go through different phases. Here there is the mourning phase, the anger phase, the time of denial as well as the depressive phase and the desire for negotiation. Each of these phases is characterized by strong emotions. On the other hand, it is important that you let out your emotions and express your feelings. However, they must not get the upper hand and lead you to behave in the wrong way.
After the breakup you will feel above all the feeling of loneliness. The desire to win back your ex-girlfriend can become overwhelming here. But not always the desire to restart the relationship can be justified by the fact that you can not live without your ex-girlfriend, because the love is so great. Sometimes it is simply the desire not to be alone. But this gap could also be filled by a new partner. This is all about getting rid of the pain. The ex-girlfriend herself plays a subordinate role here. But if you find out that your ex-partner is the part that you are really missing, then you can fight for your ex-partner.
What behavior you should avoid at all costs
There are some things that you should not do under any circumstances, because you would only achieve the opposite. If you have separated and are avoiding each other, then you should basically accept the desire for distance. Avoid showering them with gifts in hopes of winning them back that way. This method has little chance of success.
You should not run after her and harass her. Expressions of love, pleading and begging make you seem less interesting and lead to her only feeling pity for you in case of doubt. You should keep your pride and not make yourself unnecessarily small.
Also, you should not pester her with pressing questions and thus drive her into a corner. It is understandable that you want to see or talk to your ex-girlfriend again. However, you should not become abusive and start stalking her. This applies to real life as well as social media. Messages via WhatsApp, e-mails or letters also have little chance of success. In no way should you start threatening or blackmailing them. Also, assaulting yourself or their persons is clearly taboo.
In addition, you will have little success if you try the pitying way. It will look rather pathetic and unattractive if you talk about your life and your heartbreak in front of her.
You should also not try to contact her through a third party, such as a best friend or sibling, or try to get information out of her that way.
Also, don’t start gossiping about your ex-girlfriend or even contacting a new partner and taking him to task. If it comes to a conversation, then avoid above all blame and discussions about the end of the relationship. This will only lead you in circles and will not bring you to a meaningful conclusion. All these behaviors only lead to you pushing your ex-girlfriend away from you, resulting in the exact opposite of what you want to happen.
Do you still have a chance with your ex-girlfriend?
Of course, it’s only worth fighting for your ex-girlfriend if there’s still a realistic prospect of a reunion. Here, above all, the reason for the breakup plays a major role. If the reasons are comparatively harmless, such as lack of time or financial insecurities, the chances of a second attempt are very good. Even if selfishness or other mistakes were the cause, or you broke up in a dispute, the chances are not bad.
About a 50/50 chance exists if the reason for separation was unreliability or low esteem. If frequent lying is the cause, the chances are still around 40%. The smallest chance, about 35%, is if infidelity in the partnership was the reason for the breakup.
This behavior can help you win back your ex-girlfriend
Find out the real reasons for the breakup
During your breakup talk, various reasons were certainly brought up to explain and justify the breakup. Often, however, these reasons are not the real cause, but are faked to facilitate the conversation. Therefore, you should question yourself and find out what the real reasons for the breakup were.
If you start a new relationship with your ex-girlfriend, these unexplained causes can quickly lead to another relationship breakdown. Therefore, it is important not only to identify the cause, but also to eliminate it. You need to understand their perspective on things and recognize their needs. Only if you get rid of old behavior patterns and develop yourself further, a new relationship has a chance again.
1. Set a contact ban
You should first avoid any contact with your ex-girlfriend. This applies to all communication channels. The background is that it makes you seem more attractive if you don’t chase after her. If you check in with her regularly, she will feel that she can have you back at any time. Exactly the opposite happens when you observe a contact ban.
Avoid visiting her social media profiles. Do not go to places where you have been out frequently. Separate yourself from all memories. During this time you should also try to distract yourself. Go on dates with friends and go to parties. Also like to find a flirt to distract yourself. Sports are also a good outlet to let out your pent-up aggression and feelings and to relieve stress. You will notice that you will become calmer once you are exhausted and this will make you more attractive. Find new hobbies and do things that are good for you.
2. Start reflecting on yourself
Consistently avoiding any contact will allow you to focus on yourself. You can thus more easily close with the past and gain distance. In this time you can find new self-confidence, which you need to make a new start. Be clear about the things you need to change in order for your relationship to have a chance again.
3. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses
You will never be able to change completely. This is not right at all, because you should not pretend. However, try to recognize your strengths and use them. You should try to change less good qualities. If your ex-girlfriend sees that you have changed in many ways, it makes you more interesting in her eyes. Maybe she can discover new sides of you that she likes.
4. When should you make the first move?
The no-contact rule is there to draw your ex-girlfriend out. You can dare to take another step if your ex-girlfriend contacts you again or you see other signs that she is still interested in you.
It is important that you take this step now. The prerequisite for a reunion is mutual interest. You must not chase after her. It can also be helpful not to reply directly to her first attempts at contact, but to let her flounder a bit more. This way you can increase the longing a bit more.
Basically, you should plan a period of about three weeks for your no-contact policy. Your first contact is also a good way to let her know how well you’re doing and that you’ve got your life back together. This stimulates curiosity and you seem more interesting and perhaps more mysterious. Try to behave in a way that can be interpreted as dominant and self-confident.
5. Plan the first meeting
If the two of you are in contact again, and you notice that your ex-girlfriend is signaling in a positive way that she is ready to meet again, then plan it carefully. But do not show her how much you have been waiting for this meeting. The place of your first reunion should be as neutral as possible and should not be in your own home. Also, the place should not be tainted with any memories. You can also think of an activity that you can do together.
If it comes to the meeting, you can also give her a little something as a gift. The most important thing here is that you put some thought into the gift and that it is not a cliche gift. Depending on the reason your relationship ended, your first meeting should also include an apology from you. Think about the words beforehand, so that you can convey your apology confidently and credibly. Make sure that the timing is right and that the context is right.
6. Take your time
Of course, you would love to hug your ex-girlfriend right back and pick up where you left off. But it is not a good idea. Also, you should not directly make declarations of love to her again. This would be too early and would overwhelm her. You should also be sparing with compliments, as this often comes across as cliche. It is best to just be yourself and try to appear as calm as possible.
Do not start to get emotional, but stay strong. If you got along well and there is a desire for a second meeting on both sides, then you can date again. Let everything come to you and wait and see how your relationship develops.
7. Develop new feelings
It is important that you yourself and your behavior awaken new feelings in your ex-girlfriend. These feelings should of course be positive. You can control this process through your behavior and demeanor, as well as your physical appearance. It is important that you appear as attractive as possible. Avoid bringing up relationship issues in the beginning of the new relationship. Rather, enjoy the moment and wait for your relationship to solidify.
In the first six months of the relationship, you should continue to carefully consider your behavior and express both distance and closeness with your behavior. This way you keep their attention and remain interesting. Always be attentive and show her what she means to you with small gestures. Your relationship now has the opportunity to strengthen itself.
You should be aware that it can be a long way until you have found each other again as a couple. Every person is different and accordingly reacts differently in every situation. Therefore, you can not plan and pretend every step exactly. You should always listen to your feelings and observe the situation closely. Be attentive and recognize the needs and desires of your partner. Work on yourself and be patient. If you both love each other and you can overcome the reasons for the breakup, you have a realistic chance for a new beginning.