10 Ways you can really be yourself (you’ll love yourself for it)

Be yourself, all others are already taken.
– Oscar Wilde

He who does not love himself in the right way cannot love others either. For the right love for oneself is also the natural goodness for others. So self-love is not egoism, but goodness.
– Robert Musil

In a world where so much seems different than it is, we seem to have a hard time being who we are. We perform and run and rush ourselves, rush against ourselves and against others, play the who-is-the-coolest-and-unassailable game. We press ourselves into prefabricated life courses and life models, we press and press and from this a new life does not follow like in the circle room, but a cycle towards the death of our true needs, our dreams, our self-love. We sacrifice ourselves to the devil of conformity.

This has to stop, and it can and may stop, here and now. We’ve wasted enough of our lives with the plans others have for us. We have not been ourselves long enough.

So, take a deep breath … and then again … everything will be fine … as soon as we decide to be ourselves, we open the door to freedom and love.

The following 10 ways can help.

#1 Surrender to yourself

Suppose your relationship with yourself was one between two people: when was the last time you hugged each other?? Stroked? Kissed? Telling yourself what you mean to each other and how you feel about each other? Something given? Surprised you? Indulge yourself? Lovingly cared for you? Or do you no longer speak to each other, are you in a crisis, do you cheat??

The basis for a good relationship – also with yourself – is from my point of view: mindfulness. Looking at people, listening to them, giving them time and real presence (not just a loveless bouquet of flowers so that the partner will shut up again for a few weeks afterwards).

The basis for mindfulness – also towards yourself – is from my point of view: slow down, breathe deeper, listen to yourself, meditate.

#2 Give yourself time

"Give yourself time" means two things:

  • Give yourself time for what you enjoyHow much time do you take out of work and on your days off to do the things you are passionate about?? Was it once more? Have you given up some of your hobbies completely? If yes, why? I mean: why really? When we do what we love to do, we forget all the demands that tear at us and bend us, and our real selves can shine.
  • Be patient with yourself: maybe you, like me and so many others, belong to the breed of people who constantly set new goals … but never give themselves the time to achieve them step by step, little by little? If you are your own whip-wielding slave driver, how can you still be free and happy and be yourself?

#3 Let go

Everything you have experienced has made you who you are today, and that is good. All of this has its place. And that is in the past.

Relationships with people who want to keep you down and hold you back. Your self-doubt and reproach, your regrets … with too much heavy baggage you can’t get ahead. And only you can put this burden down or at least lighten it.

We constantly go to the toilet to rid ourselves of old baggage … why should we also carry the old shit around in our belly forever?

What can you do today to relieve yourself today??

#4 Accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses

To accept means: to see what is. First of all, without judging it.

What you are good at? Which of your strengths have you not yet admitted to yourself?? What compliments from your fellow men do you always dismiss in front of them and in front of yourself?

What is rather difficult for you? Which of your weaknesses you did not want to see until now?? Often it is the qualities in others that annoy us the most, the ones we carry in ourselves but repress.

Maybe it helps to stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye and say: "I am the way I am".

"I am who I am".

#5 Order your values and priorities

The values and priorities we have, and whether we know them and live by them, determines whether we are happy or unhappy, ourselves or not ourselves, and whether we love ourselves and our lives or not.

What is really important to you and what do you want to avoid??

How would you rank the following values for yourself:

Freedom, love, success, power, adventure, passion, peace of mind, health, security?

If you feel like you are not being yourself and not living your own life, it is probably because you have not designed your life according to your values. For example, you may have taken a job in a foreign city and put your relationship at risk – even though love is more important to you than success. Or you’ve been working at a bank for what feels like 93 years, instead of starting your own business with your dream – even though the adventure is basically more important to you than the security.

#6 Take full responsibility

You are standing where you are because you have chosen to be there.

Whether this sentence is true or not is secondary for me. The important thing is: he frees you. It doesn’t weigh you down like baggage from the past, it gives you wings.

Flying can be exhausting, yes, and sometimes the headwinds are so strong that we threaten to crash and then we are "devastated" for a while.

But who else but you can make sure that you are yourself and love yourself with all your heart??

#7 Learn to love life outside your comfort zone

"I was worried that Gomez was sore," said Mehmet Scholl after one half in a soccer game in which the striker barely moved.

This can be transferred to the whole life: to spare yourself more and more means to neglect yourself more and more.

Have you been lying on your back lately, rather than throwing yourself into the adventure of your life??

Is it really you who hangs around in front of the TV instead of LIVING??

#8 Stand up for yourself

Someone wants to piss on your leg … and you don’t manage to get out of the way in time?

Then stand up and confront the pisser, if necessary until he shits his pants.

You are a valuable human being, you deserve to be valued and respected.

Fight for yourself when a fight is appropriate.

And fight for your dreams, do not let them talk you out of them.

#9 Do not try to impress others

Impressing others is one of the main reasons why we violate our own values, lie to ourselves and to others, pretend and do not do what we think is right.

We shackle ourselves with credit to jobs we don’t like to do, we repress our true feelings and tears to avoid appearing weak or "different", we do so many things to avoid standing out or being attacked.

You do not have to achieve anything. You are just as valuable driving an Aston Martin as sitting in the subway. With job and with six pack just as valuable as without. With a smile on your face as well as with tears – as long as both are real, both are you.

#10 Pursue your life’s mission

Even the task in life, your "destiny", does not make you more valuable as a human being. And still it is important. When you know it and pursue it, your greatest powers, your brightest light, your warmest love, your truest and highest self are released.

I would like to leave the last words to Charlie Chaplin, who expressed it better than I ever could in his poem "When I began to love myself" (and that’s okay):

When I started to love myself,
I understood that always and at every opportunity
I am at the right place at the right time
and that everything that happens is right –
From then on I could be calm.
Today I know: This is called "trust".

When I began to love myself,
I was able to realize that emotional pain and suffering
are only warnings for me to live against my own truth.
Today I know: This is called "being authentic".

When I began to love myself,
I have stopped longing for a different life
and could see that everything around me was a call to grow.
Today I know it’s called "maturity".

When I started to love myself,
I stopped robbing myself of my free time,
and I stopped designing grandiose projects for the future.
Today I do only what gives me pleasure and joy,
what I love and what makes my heart smile,
in my own way and at my own pace.
Today I know it’s called "honesty".

When I began to love myself,
I freed myself from everything that was not healthy for me,
of food, people, things, situations
and from everything that always pulled me down, away from myself.
In the beginning I called it "Healthy egoism",
but today I know that is "self love".

When I started to love myself,
I have stopped always wanting to be right,
so I was less wrong.
Today I realized: this is called "humility".

When I began to love myself,
I refused to continue living in the past and worrying about my future
and worry about my future.
Now I live only in this moment where everything takes place,
that’s how I live every day today and I call it "awareness.

When I began to love myself,
I realized that my thinking
can make you miserable and sick.
But when I called upon my heart’s strength,
the mind got an important partner.
today I call this connection "wisdom of the heart".

We do not need to continue to be afraid of conflicts,
Fear conflicts and problems with ourselves and others,
for even stars sometimes collide
and that new worlds are being created.
Today I know: This is LIFE!

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