9 Tips: how to win a man’s heart?

Basically it feels good, but of course you wouldn’t ask this question if you were totally sure he thinks you’re great! But you can’t really rule it out. If only you could get some clarity – and maybe help a little in case of need? This is what the next 5 minutes are all about!

How to win the heart of a man? The goal..

How nice it would be if he would tell you that he has fallen in love with you. And want to be with you. The next steps you can imagine yourself, the order for it we all have more or less similar in our heads. All in all, of course, these are pretty inspiring and attractive prospects. That motivate you to want to be active. The goal is not wrong either. However, I think it’s smart to first take a step back and look again at the path to that goal. Because there must be a way, it should work and ultimately be fun – because otherwise you will not go to the end and ask yourself at the end, why exactly you wanted to win his heart again in the first place!

Romantic crush vs. Determination

I think this difference is very important here. To become active is super! And the longer you wait, the more likely you are to paint your dream guy in incredibly pretty colors – and if he ends up being really interested in you, you might even be disappointed. Therefore, I suggest: First take a deep breath and reduce your expectations of him by at least half!

Does a strategy make sense?

Strategy is of course an unpleasant word because it sounds more like work and somewhat calculating. But if you really want to conquer a man, I think it’s perfectly fine to not just rely on feelings and spontaneous luck (or bad luck). Feelings are important and have their justification, no question about it! And they influence us much more than we are willing to admit. But as soon as we can keep at least a very small bit of a cool head, it makes sense to think about the next steps.

The strategy: Actually, you already know and can do everything..

…if we would not only always get told so much nonsense on the subject! We tend to believe a lot and then behave strangely. So it’s more about leaving a few things aside. And more to find back to yourself. I always find that dating is really only secondarily about finding a partner. Because this is also a huge chance to rediscover yourself and develop yourself further! In this respect, one or the other recommendation may seem a bit unpopular and top-heavy to you. But you will definitely get further with them. Critically you may remain however nevertheless!
But well, back to the strategy:

Behavior #1: Stay with yourself!
If you’re wondering how to win a man’s heart, then you’re in a focus rather far from yourself. And totally with the man. But you can’t use this one or. only very indirectly influence. With yourself you have more say in the matter! In this respect: A crush is a great thing, but no reason to suddenly throw all principles, habits and achievements over the heap and do everything just so that he gives you an amorous look.

Behavior #2: Become active!

Once you perceive yourself well, you are in control and can take an active approach. You can ask them to meet you. You can tell him how you feel about him. And you can always assess for yourself what is the most sensible action at the moment. For this you don’t need anyone else to tell you that. Cause you know your situation best!

Behavior #3: Take responsibility
Because you are the expert for yourself, only one person can take responsibility for your actions. In concrete terms, this means: If you don’t dare to take a step towards him, you can find countless excuses for it. Or confront you with your shyness/ hesitancy and slowly prepare you for this step.
But you don’t have to put yourself under pressure, that’s not good for you. And in my world, taking responsibility for yourself always means treating yourself well. In yours too?

Behavior #4: Refrain from manipulation
Countless advisors recommend at this point to make yourself scarce from time to time, so that the man has the opportunity to miss you. That’s nonsense. The intention behind this advice is to help women who tend to throw their lives overboard and focus only on the man. With tens of text messages, phone calls and thousands of thoughts every day. If you’re confident and take responsibility, you don’t need this! You don’t have to manipulate or make yourself scarce. You have an exciting life and get along well with yourself, so you won’t push him too hard either way…

Behavior #5: Be open with him
Also such a thing: Why hold back excessively? If you like him, you can tell him that too. Here too, of course, at some point even this will seem excessive. But a certain amount of openness makes you vulnerable and therefore sympathetic. At the same time, it’s impossible to start deep relationships without this kind of opening up. It is simply a matter of the right measure. And here again: pause briefly, assess the situation or listen to your intuition and then remain authentic! You know what fits best.

Behavior #6: Take care of other social contacts as well

Sure, you want to find a partner and you already have your dream man in mind. But that’s why you’ve still got your best friend. And we all know those people who suddenly disappear when they get into a relationship. The fact is that this is not helpful to the friends, the people in the relationship, or the relationship itself. People are social creatures. One is never enough and just like a happy partnership, friends also enrich our lives. Therefore, you can also take care of them in any case – so why not swarm something together with your best friend?

Behavior #7: Listen
Women are, thanks to socialization (be sure to look it up)!) are on average much better adjusted to social challenges than men. If you know that you are more inclined to talk than to listen, it might be worthwhile to try the change of direction. This has the advantage that you learn something for yourself and gain a lot of information. They will make all your decisions easier in the future! On top of that, many men feel flattered when you listen to them appreciatively – again, education, social norms and media influences send their regards!

Behavior #8: Find common ground

You will win a man’s heart if he first likes you and then thinks you’re great. And eventually fall in love with you. This may take some time, the concept of love at first sight is definitely overrated! So, to lay some good groundwork here, it’s worthwhile while listening (see #7!) to look for commonalities and to deepen these themes. This not only creates sympathy (see also mirror neurons), but also makes it easy to create the perspective of a future relationship. And of course, getting an idea for the next date!

Behavior #9: Accept a basket and look ahead!

Even the greatest personalities get rejections. Not everyone always lands. And I find that baskets are one of the most valuable experiences we can have. Because we’re rarely confronted with our self-esteem and frustration tolerance as hard as when we get a rejection from someone we think is great. Tears are okay, crying to friends often helps. Acceptance here does not mean suppressing feelings. But you can take something from it and look forward instead of mourning it for months to come. There should be.

"How to win the heart of a man?" – By doing it!

But you know, you know yourself best and consciously bear the responsibility for a happy life! And therefore only one step is missing: The one from theory and reading to becoming active! You now know everything you need to know – and quite honestly: You surely knew the most important things before..
In this respect, I wish you a lot of fun on the way to your happy, but not too perfect relationship!
Your Nils

About Nils Terborg

Nils Terborg (relationship coach and head man from beautiful Bochum) helps his readers and clients every day to settle a huge dispute: The dispute between feelings and thinking. Once this is overcome, whole new worlds open up in love matters and the path is clear to a happy, but not too perfect, relationship.

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