Miscarriage – and then a baby

Read here the testimonial of a mother who had to experience a miscarriage during her first, very desired pregnancy and who then, after a short time, became pregnant again and finally gave birth to a healthy child.

Pregnant? So soon?

Woman Baby Happy

Shortly before my 30. My desire to have a child awakened on my 50th birthday. Quite classic, then, but with power. In the shopping streets there seemed to be only women with strollers, in the bus mothers with blissful babies on their laps attracted my gaze. It lacked little that I into a beckoning "Gutschigutschiguh" would have lapsed. For two years I had been with a man who somehow felt like a "father to my children" and so you can imagine how the sky hung full of violins for me when my partner was finally ready for a baby.

Of course I was anxious to see how quickly it would work, but I was also worried that the gods might have arbitrarily devised a punishment for me and denied me the blessing of childbirth. To get to know my cycle a little better, I started taking temperature. And indeed, at the middle of the month there was an increase, but then, what is this? The temperature stays up. Pregnant? So fast?

One week after my period stopped, I got the confirmation from my doctor. Really pregnant! The ultrasound showed a tiny bundle of cells on the uterine wall, so small, but still: my baby! I will never forget the way home after this news. How I stopped at a children’s playground for the first time in a long time, happy and pensive, and could only think: I too!

Two weeks later, a freezing cold scare while going to the bathroom in the morning. A spotting, very light still, but associated with an ominous tugging in the abdomen. On the phone, my doctor advised bed rest and high doses of magnesium. All day I lay there, alone, trying to get my little being to stay with incantations and relaxation. Towards evening, shortly before my partner came home, the bleeding became stronger and I received him sobbing: "I think our first child does not want to stay with us!" At night the cramps had reached a strength that made sleep impossible and so we drove to the hospital.

Pregnancy, miscarriage and then?

A sleepy looking doctor did the ultrasound and said only: "There is nothing more". Nevertheless, his gentle compassionate eyes did me good, it didn’t take many words to feel that he had pity on me. In the gynecological ward, where I was admitted for a curettage, however, there was no sign of such feelings anymore. No one asked how I was, no one said "I’m sorry". Cervical scrapings seem to be off-the-shelf procedures, surgical by the dozen, like tonsillectomies, simply not worth mentioning. Nevertheless, the abdominal cramps after awakening from the anesthesia were not to be despised, but much worse was the oppressive feeling of a yawning inner emptiness. For four weeks this feeling remained in my body, emptiness, combined with a leaden heaviness of all limbs, inability to distract myself, to feel joy or interest in anything. None of my friends could understand the force of these feelings, understanding and compassion seemed to be scarce. Only my partner came closer to me during this time of grieving together for our first child.

An eagerly beating little heart

This time I cried with joy

Two and a half months after the miscarriage, we went on an overseas trip to really get our minds off things, let go of the desire to get pregnant for a bit and gather new impressions – a precious time for our relationship. Back at home, after a few weeks, I noticed regularly recurring nausea. Also, my period stopped, which I explained to myself as a physical reaction to the Intercontinental flight. At some point I talked to a friend about the strange processes in my body. Maybe an infection as a vacation memory? Your justified question "could you perhaps be pregnant??", I denied it unapologetically. However, the symptoms did not subside and so, more than four weeks after my last period, I went to see my gynecologist to get to the bottom of the strange nausea. She looked at the monitor only for a moment, and immediately exclaimed happily: "You are pregnant, and how pregnant you are!!" What was seen in the ultrasound exceeded all my expectations. A human being already, the size of a gummy bear, the beginnings of arms and legs, an eagerly throbbing little heart. This time I cried with happiness.

About seven months later my son was born, exactly on the day I had had the curettage a year before. The pregnancy was uncomplicated and my son is now a healthy and happy child.

What helped me in the period immediately after the miscarriage:

  • The love and sympathy of my partner.
  • The information from my gynecologist’s receptionist, who comforted me with the words: "We very often experience that women first have a miscarriage and then have a completely normal pregnancy."
  • The gentle and compassionate eyes of the doctor on duty that night in the hospital.
  • The naked statistics that taught me: I am not at all alone with this experience and the thought "why me of all people??" makes no sense. Because miscarriages are nature’s failures and are part of it, like many other things in our lives that are not perfect.

* Author’s name changed by the editor

How soon after a miscarriage can I get pregnant again??

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