Miscarriage – why is this happening to me??

When parents lose their child through a miscarriage, this is one of the most painful things that can happen to them. For couples who learn of the loss of their child, it is initially unimaginable how they can cope with the difficult path that now lies ahead of them. Gynecologists estimate that at least one in five pregnancies ends in failure, and the number of unreported cases is probably higher. However, despite the fact that so many women are affected, miscarriage is still a taboo subject today and is not really discussed either in private or in the public sphere.

When the couple holds the positive pregnancy test in their hands, the silence often already begins. But is not the joy so great that you would like to tell everyone immediately? However, doctors often advise waiting because the risk of miscarriage is known to be highest in the first twelve weeks. However, life has already begun and the couple loves the unborn child from the very beginning, makes plans, prepares for a future together. Why should there be no miscarriage before 12 weeks?. It can be easier to lose your child in the first week of pregnancy than later? If a miscarriage actually occurs, most women and couples keep the heavy loss to themselves, withdraw further and further, feel lonely and empty. In their deep grief, they feel neither understood nor adequately cared for by their environment and doctors. For those affected, silence is often unbearable. Denying a miscarriage and keeping the grief to themselves often only makes it worse. We wish for more openness and exchange among each other! Many couples who finally speak publicly about a miscarriage hear surprising confessions from loved ones who have had a similar experience. This gives strength, courage and hope, because you are not alone!


80% of all miscarriages occur in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy and are called early miscarriages. The risk of miscarriage is highest at the beginning of each pregnancy and decreases as the pregnancy progresses. The most frequent miscarriages occur up to the 4./5. SSW instead of. Here, medical experts assume a rate of up to 50%. In the past, women did not even know they were pregnant at this stage. Today, pregnancies are often planned for a long time and women know very early that they are expecting a child. Thanks to sensitive modern technology, a heartbeat can now be detected on an ultrasound scanner as early as the sixth week. At this point, at the latest, pregnant women form a close bond with their growing child. In the 6. to 8. After the first week of pregnancy, the risk of miscarriage is reduced to approx. 18%, from the 17. The risk of miscarriage decreases to only 2-3% after the 12th week of pregnancy. If a miscarriage occurs after 16. If the miscarriage takes place in the second week of pregnancy, doctors call it a late miscarriage. The fetus is pregnant before the end of the 22nd week of gestation.-24. If the baby is less than 500g outside the uterus, it is usually not yet able to survive on its own.

Why me?

Reasons for early miscarriage up to 12. The first week of pregnancy usually involves serious chromosomal changes in the embryo, defective cell divisions, malformations, infections and much more. Luteal insufficiency or immune reactions, i.e., rejection reactions of the maternal immune system to the tissue of the placenta, can also be causes. However, women are not well enough informed about the causes of a miscarriage and blame themselves heavily: "I wish I hadn’t gone jogging! If only I had not carried the heavy shopping! But: You are not to blame! Early abortion represents a "protective mechanism" of nature when the embryo would not have been viable. Pregnancy is a miracle of nature every time and a highly complex process.

What happens next?

In Germany, once embryonic death has been established in the early weeks of pregnancy, scraping is predominantly performed. This is a surgical procedure in which the tissue of the embryo, placenta and endometrium are removed. But there are other options: Speeding up the departure of the fetus with a drug that induces labor, or waiting for the body to reject the embryo on its own. In any case, you should seek information and advice from your gynecologist. Choosing between these options, which could make conscious goodbyes and grief easier in some cases, can be crucial for women. From the age of 16. The child is usually born in the normal way during the first week of pregnancy. Even though cesarean section has become significantly safer today than in the past, it carries a higher risk for the mother than natural childbirth. The possible consequences for a new pregnancy and birth should also not be underestimated. Bringing the child into the world step by step under their own steam with each contraction makes the parting "tangible" for many mothers. This so-called "silent birth" and the early farewell to the child will remain unforgettable for the parents.

After a miscarriage, a woman experiences a rapid drop in hormones. This can further intensify the grief. In the days and weeks that follow, it is now especially important to take it easy until the body has recovered and the physical regression and healing is complete. In order to come to terms with the fateful experience, it is particularly important to talk with your partner about your feelings, fears and worries.

Places of mourning

Many parents feel closely connected to the dead child for the rest of their lives. Consciously saying goodbye can help to make the loss comprehensible and to find new courage. Couples can sometimes cope with their pain better if they have a place to grieve to which they can return at any time. Today, in most federal states, there is a right to burial of early as well as late pregnancy losses, if the parents wish it. Farewell rituals and funeral ceremonies can be a comforting and profound experience. At the same time, they can help you find new strength. Also small mementos, such as z.B. Ultrasound pictures or baby clothes that have already been purchased can help in coping with grief. Not all parents can or want to bury their child individually – for example, if they lost the child at a very early age. Then it is usually possible to have it buried by the clinic as well.

You are not alone!

A miscarriage is a very emotionally stressful situation for the woman and the couple. The number of women who have experienced a miscarriage is high. However, this also offers the opportunity for an exchange of feelings and thoughts among women or couples. Parents who have experienced a similar situation. Many women find it helpful to talk to other affected women in self-help groups. Social networks today can also bring women with similar fates together, often anonymously, to share experiences, to grieve and to remember.

Throughout Germany, there are psychologists, independent self-help groups and initiatives that affected women can turn to for support and help in coming to terms with their grief. Accept help! Midwives can also provide assistance with pregnancy losses. In the event of a miscarriage before the 24th week of pregnancy, health insurance will cover the costs. Week of pregnancy often the care of a midwife. But above all, it takes time for the emotional wounds to heal. Those who cannot overcome grief or develop great fears about a new pregnancy should still be sure to seek psychological help.

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