It’s as simple as that? Seven things you can tell if parents are doing a good job? At least that’s what one psychologist claims. So one thing is for sure: comparisons, competition or any kind of yardstick for success are guaranteed to have nothing to do with a good parent-child relationship.
What makes a good mother or father? A question that divides opinion. Are there so many topics in the matter of child rearing, which are discussed fiercely. Breastfeeding- not breastfeeding, family bed Baby crib, vegan- omnivor . The list is even infinite, as well as the different opinions and points of view about it. But is it really these debates that are crucial to a happy childhood and youth? What is really important when we raise our children? Of course above all one thing: love!
Related to this, there are signs that show that you as parents are doing everything right and are giving your child everything important in their upbringing. Clinical psychologist Nadene van der Linden, in an article for Parent Co. Seven signs by which she can recognize in her work as a therapist whether parents are doing a good job and whether the children are in good hands.
Seven signs that you are a good parent
1. Your child shows a range of emotions toward you
No question, sometimes it can be exhausting- but if your child is willing to show a range of emotions in front of you, that is always a good sign. Ärger, anger, sadness or fear- If your child comes to you with his feelings and shows them openly, it means that he feels safe, secure and understood with you.
"It always worries me when children hide their feelings from their parents.", writes van der Linden. "Often this is a sign of big problems in the parent-child relationship." So when your child comes to you, you should not try to overplay his feelings or distract your child. Instead, you should show your offspring that you take their feelings seriously and always have an open ear for them.
The bestseller on the subject of children’s feelings:
2. Your child comes to you when he has a problem
It sounds simple, but it is enormously important: "I know, That parents do a super job of being the first place to go for any problems their child may have", writes van der Linden. Because it means that you have created a solid foundation or safety net that your child can always return to when he or she needs help.
3. Your child can talk to you about his thoughts and feelings without fearing your reaction
This point is based on the two signs mentioned previously. Some parents unconsciously limit communication with their child by their behavior, for example, by overreacting to some feelings and thoughts or feeling offended themselves as parents, etc. Other parents seem so sensitive to their children that they don’t want to burden mom and dad with their emotional life.
Nadene van der Linden writes: "I worry when parents say, ‘My child is my rock.’ Parents are the rocks; children should never be the rock for their parents." So try to accept and support your child’s thoughts and feelings without seeing them as an attack on yourself as a parent or your character.
For moms who think their feelings often get in the way:
4. Your feedback is not critical or judgmental
Good parents give their child feedback that is neither overly critical nor pejorative labels such as "bad", "greedy" or "lazy contains.
Äure criticism of your child, focus on his or her behavior, not his or her character. Say, "You ate all the cookies before anyone else had a chance to try one. But sharing is very important for all of us. Can you think of a way to make it up to her??" Instead of: "That was very greedy of you. There will be no dinner today!"
A therapist explains how she recognizes good mothers
5. You Encourage your child to pursue his or her interests and talents
Hobbies and interests help your child learn to stick with something. You give him the feeling of having accomplished something on his own and by his own efforts.
Sometimes parents tend to force hobbies on their children that they themselves would like to do or have done. But that can go very wrong. The child may feel pressured, feel like a big disappointment and think that his own wishes and interests are not worth anything.
In the book, Barbara Hennings explains what encouragement looks like in practice, using Rudolf Dreikurs’ principles:
6. You Set boundaries to protect your child’s well-being
Good parents guide their child’s behavior by setting well-thought-out boundaries. Because children without boundaries often feel lost. Boundaries and rules help children feel loved and valued- even if they sometimes rebel against the limitations.
In the following book tip, Ulla Nedebock uses 5 simple steps to explain how to draw boundaries as a parent and how to implement them in your turbulent everyday life:
7. You make up for your mistakes
Everybody makes mistakes. Even the best parents will make mistakes. Many mistakes. The bottom line is this: good parents own up to their mistakes and try to fix them.
So if you ever yell at your child or overreact, it’s important to mend that rift in the relationship. This also means apologizing for your own mistake to your child. Explain to your child why the misbehavior occurred and what your feelings were at that moment.
This video tells you more about the different parenting styles.
What type of mom are you or will you become?
Comparisons don’t cut it
Even if it’s tempting to look for parameters that clearly certify that you are a good mom or dad . but the "right nutrition, The reading progress of your little one or the victory in the next soccer game says nothing at all about you as parents. Because love, care and a good parent-child relationship cannot be measured by a yardstick.
What is really important is to create a place, a family, where your child feels safe and secure. So that it can grow into an independent, respectful and confident adult. It’s about a lifelong relationship that doesn’t depend on external events, things or outcomes, but on love, respect and connection.
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