I know you didn’t want to hear this, but unfortunately it’s true.
You’ll find thousands of articles on the Internet that say the opposite and provide you with ..
- 6 simple ex-work tips,
- 12 unbeatable tricks,
- and THE most comprehensive practical guide
… want to reveal how you can win your ex back in no time at all.
Or worse, charlatans who charge you a lot of money for a "love spell" that is supposed to miraculously bring your ex back to his senses and back to you after a breakup.
I’m not going to jump on this bandwagon and tell you what you want to hear. Instead, I’ll tell you the unvarnished truth:
It. Gives. None. Away.
Well, ok – there may be one exception …
You cannot win your ex back! (and the only exception)
"Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie."
I’m sorry, but I have to tell you this so clearly.
Because only when you really understand that you can’t win your ex back, can you do what can really help you become happy again and what is the only thing that can MIGHT even really allow you a chance to become happy again with your ex as well.
Yes, I know. This sounds extremely paradoxical.
And it’s an extremely big maybe and no, there’s no guarantee and it’s not a trick either.
We’ll take a closer look at what this big maybe is all about in a moment.
As I said, you must first understand why there is no way to win back your ex-partner. And the most important reason is this:
He doesn’t want you anymore!
So simple, yet so hard to understand, and most of all: to accept. But it’s just the way it is:
It’s over and the sooner you understand that the better.
"But why is it so finally over when my ex has decided against me? Maybe he is just mistaken or a little confused right now?"
Why you can’t win your ex back
I’m sorry, but no.
- Make you more attractive
- work on you
- Change things, that have always disturbed him
- or even with other benefits like your lots of money, Of your luxury mansion or your eight Porsches to win back
Or you are even one of the kind who try to blackmail their ex partner and bind him to themselves for example by threatening to take away the custody of common children.
But all this can’t and won’t work and will make things worse rather than better.
Think the game through ..
What do you get in the end if your partner doesn’t really want you for your own sake but only stays with you because of some illusions, advantages or threats?? Is this a good condition for a happy relationship?
I do not think.
I wouldn’t even call it a relationship … it’s a trade-off. A consensual trade out of pure egoism. On both sides.
Yes, you read that right ..
We had already discussed this in detail in the post on "Fighting for love", but I will never tire of explaining this connection to you, because understanding this is, in my opinion, the crucial turning point in your heartbreak:
Why it’s selfish to want your ex back
You need something and you can’t give it to yourself.
- the feeling of being needed
That’s why you are longing for your ex. That’s why you have breakup pain. This is why you cling, run after him, stalk him on Facebook and bombard him with WhatsApp messages.
He gave you what you are missing now. He’s in a position to give it to you and he’s supposed to give it back to you obligingly.
But instead of finding out what it is that you actually need and how you can give it to yourself, so that you could be happy without your ex – respectively. So you can be happy whether he’s with you or not – you focus on winning him back.
This is obvious. It is faster and easier that way. But:
Yes, you probably even begrudge him his happiness without you or with someone else.
This is the epitome of selfish behavior and, in my opinion, the exact opposite of true love.
So: Stop trying to win your ex back!
"But what should I do instead?"
Again, you won’t like the answer ..
Win Ex Back: The one thing you can and should do …
The only thing you can and should really do if you want to win your ex back is to let go.
That’s the only way.
This is the only way to get out of the vicious circle where you keep yourself down because you think you can’t be happy without this person.
You are harming yourself. You deny yourself happiness and make yourself dependent. And dependence is about the most unattractive thing there is. Especially for exes!
Or was it different for you in school??
What school days teach us about attraction
In high school, didn’t you always fall in love with those who didn’t need or want you?
Or did you actually fancy the ones who idolized you, who chased you and stuck to you like a limpet?
I guess, rather less ..
Yes, we’re not in school anymore, but this is a universal principle:
Because we like people who have and radiate a healthy self-worth.
And this is also the crucial point ..
Why letting go makes you sexy
If you manage to let go of your ex and become satisfied and happy with yourself again, independently of him, then it MAY be that you even radiate a fascinating attractiveness to your ex again.
But it doesn’t matter, because if there’s one thing you can’t do, it’s let go of your ex to become more attractive to him again!
That’s going down the drain ..
Why you can’t let go of your ex to win him back
It is a dilemma, because you don’t really let go of your ex, but keep him under the cover of letting go. And because you’re not letting go for yourself to make yourself happy and satisfied again, but for him. And when you let go for him, you don’t really let go.
Unfortunately, that’s not how the game goes.
There is only one thing you can do if your ex has left you and you are pining for him in your heartbreak and sorrow because he won’t come back to you:
And really ..
What truly letting go means (and what it doesn’t mean!)
Letting go of your ex does not mean letting go of him through actions on the outside and by all appearances, but on the inside.
- To introduce a contact ban, to make you more interesting is not real letting go. This is "breaking off contact".
- To meet with others, To stir up jealousy in your ex is not really letting go. That’s "making him jealous".
- Pretending that you don’t care about your ex, is not really letting go. That’s "feigning indifference".
Of course, phenomena such as reduced contact or increased interaction with others can be the result, but these are side effects of the actual letting go and not an "ex back strategy" to seemingly let him go.
If you really let go of someone on the inside, you may even be able to stay in close contact with them on the outside and let them know, for example, that you are there for them when they need you. And only then such an offer can be really serious and come from a pure heart, because otherwise it would be just a selfish attempt to win him back for you.
You can even continue to love that person and still let go, because true love is unconditional and independent of whether someone loves you back.
"Now how can I really let go of my ex??", you are probably asking yourself now ..
How to really let go of your ex
"The hardest part of letting go is accepting that the other person has already done it."
This is one of the most difficult tasks in life:
Letting go of someone you love.
And I get lots of emails and comments about it regularly too.
Because the answer to the question of how to let go of your ex and work through a breakup is also not so simple, we will cover it in detail in a separate article.
But so much in advance:
As long as you focus on him or on letting him go, you continue to hold him with that focus!
This is the biggest mistake people make over and over again when letting go. Learn how to avoid it and what you should really focus on instead in the article on letting go of your ex.
You will find an even more detailed look at this in my book on letting go.
The sooner you understand that, the better.
The point is that you simply can’t get any closer to him if that’s not what he wants. It’s like two ships on the ocean:
If you’re heading for the other ship and the other ship is sailing away from you at the same speed, you can never reach it.
And if for selfish reasons you accelerate more and more to catch up with him at any cost, sooner or later you will only drive him further away from you.
This is why you need to find and stay your own course. And that is letting go and shifting your focus away from your ex.
- It may be that your paths will cross again someday. But they can only do that if everyone really goes his own way and not one follows the other or pretends to let go in order to win the other back.
- But it may not happen at all. It doesn’t matter then, because by letting go and changing your focus, you’ll find something much better: a way to make yourself happy without your ex.
We will look at how exactly this works in the next article.
P.S.: What do you think? Are there other ways you can win back a love or is letting go and focusing on yourself the only true way? Write a comment.
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/>Tone Warner says:
A year ago, dear Norman, I read your article about letting go. I hate this word&….After I tried to follow him with all possible admittedly manipulative means, I am now swimming alone sea. Your article is wise.
thank you for your comment =)
Yes, the word is really very negative… but actually it has not so much to do with what everyone always imagines it to be or what always gives us a stomachache when we think of it. I had once written something here in detail about this pre-loaded understanding of letting go:
I also generally prefer the notion of allowing and accepting.. because actually letting go is always just that: accepting the current situation =) and it sounds like you have reached this step at the moment =)
Love and have a great Sunday!
In the book Hello Tarzan there is a story of a woman who wins her boyfriend back by getting really interested in his hobby of cycling, even then getting interested in it herself. She helps him to practice his hobby again. – otherwise I also think letting go and taking care of his own happiness is usually the right way to go. The partner must come back voluntarily if at all. Clinging is counterproductive.
thank you for your thoughts on the post =)
Sounds like it was a situation where the woman suddenly found her own way out of a selfish and manipulative attempt to win him back and that’s exactly why they could meet again =)
I absolutely agree with you, in love you just can’t force anything.
love and have a great rest of the weekend!
thank you for your articles. If I had read it earlier, maybe my relationship would not have gone wrong. I didn’t want to lose my boyfriend, and did all the things you write about doing the opposite. And it’s true. I was only focused on my boyfriend moving away from me. And now he is really gone, for good. Now I am trying to come to terms with it. Sometimes it goes better, but most of the time I don’t make it. I still believe that we would have had a future had I reacted differently and listened to my heart. But old negative experiences were stronger.
I really hope that if I read through your article often enough, some of it will stay embedded in me. It won’t bring my friend back, but I don’t want to lose another wonderful person.
Thank you for your contributions, they help me a lot.
thank you for your personal contribution =)
I think it’s great that you are focusing on what you can improve in the future with this realization and not taking it as another reason to mourn the past! I think, that you have recognized this for yourself, is already mega valuable and often also the hardest step, because once something has clicked in you, the rest often comes by itself. You just have to give yourself time.
And besides, I always think: somehow everything comes out the way it’s supposed to. Maybe all of this was just so necessary for you to get to this point now too and consciously deal with this issue. And who knows what it is good for and what it will lead to in the end? =)
Had a breakup earlier this year, the love was always there. So it is easier to accept that he is not happy with me, at least not enough to have a relationship.
In the beginning I really wanted to understand, at least I was entitled to an explanation. I went hiking, 30k, 40k, made myself do a 24hr. signed up for a 100km hike.(am 0% athletic). Told me he’s fine, he’s better off without me… All feelings were there, also huge anger not to be worth even a conversation to him. The sadness was always, it was part of every day.
After 12 weeks I didn’t expect anything, he got in touch, felt the need to explain. There was no need to explain anymore, because I had accepted the situation.
He did not get along with himself and his life, felt as ballast, saw that also my son and I suffered from it if it was bad for him. He had used the separation and had been operated on, with rehab afterwards. Then 6 weeks in a psychiatric clinic. He was somehow stronger and more reflective, it was clear to me that the "old" relationship was dead. Without separation we both would have stopped. During the 12 weeks I tried to do only things that were good for me, to pay attention to what was superfluous ballast and what was important. He took responsibility for himself and his health during that time. Gave off the pressure of having to keep everything going relationship, work, etc.
thanks for the personal insight into your situation =)
This is a wonderful example of how life can work, if you trust it and create the space for it. And respect! Exactly what you did – to concentrate on yourself and to see how you can make yourself happy again – is exactly what you should do in such a situation. And impressive how you pulled it off and how wonderful that he also took the chance to take care of himself!
You are absolutely right. Winning the ex back is nonsense because he is the ex for a reason. If there should still be a chance, then later a way will be found almost automatically and he will come to you by himself. But then begins a very difficult work together and whether you can do this, is very questionable. And also sensible? I do not know. But if you should belong together, because you actually fit together, then it will work without a fight.
thank you for your thoughts on the subject =)
Wonderfully summarized: "he is not the ex for nothing"
Usually we don’t end our relationships lightly and we think about it beforehand and often it is a long process in which there are many attempts to save the relationship together. If it comes to the separation, it usually has really good reasons, which you can not simply wipe away with any tricks or just enough willpower and fighting spirit.
Am yesterday on your side stumbled and find it very interesting.
I would be interested in your opinion about my case:
A girl (my first great love), comes back into my life by chance, 3 months after my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. We have a coffee together, talk a lot. Our relationship was about 13 years ago and we are in our mid/late 20’s so a lot has changed since then and we have both gone completely different ways. I bought a house with my ex that I still live in and will stay in, she has a boyfriend that she has been living with for 2 months and has been together for a year.
Nevertheless it crackles between us and we meet more often for a coffee. She told me that she started to have feelings for me. I would not have brought it up on my own, but when she said it, I said that I felt the same way.
One day she came to visit me, we went for a walk and the day was great. Then we sat on the sofa after dinner and just looked at each other. She then wanted to drive, but came back and took my hand. We sat there for 10 minutes without moving, my hand in hers. Then she kissed me. She spent the night with me.
The whole thing continued for a few weeks.
She says she has such strong feelings for me, that she would love to be with me, but couldn’t leave her life with her boyfriend behind… That’s why she ended the "relationship" with me.
If I do not get in touch, she writes to me. That she misses me etc…
It sounds very manipulative of her and I am actually very angry with her because she does not jump over her shadow.
Still, I feel like I have a very special person in her and would hate to banish her from my life forever, but not make my happiness dependent on her either.
thanks for your comment and first of all sorry for my late reaction. The publication of my new book has consumed almost all my resources in the past weeks.
This really sounds like a messed up situation. Especially since there is also the effect of "what I can’t have, I want all the more". On both sides. It’s very hard to separate why you are so attracted to this person right now. But what is quite easy to judge is as always the following:
You can’t manipulate her or make her do something she doesn’t want to do. And she can’t do that either. If you didn’t want to, you would be immune to their "attempts at manipulation". So I suggest you start where you can really make a difference.. with yourself.
And here you should ask yourself if and how you can continue to live happily with this situation, or not. And if it prevents you from your happiness, then you should let it go.
I just posted an article on how to weigh whether it’s worth holding on or better to let go in cases like this:
Hope this helps you =)
I came across your blog a few days ago, because my former partner left me 4 weeks ago. The last few months of the relationship were not easy and several factors came together (bereavement at his place, long distance relationship, little time for each other, lack of feelings on his part, etc.). We are in contact from time to time, but I wrote to him only 2 times (to pick up my bike). I leave it up to him whether he writes to me. Take care of me instead.
Now to my question, it is his birthday on Saturday and he asked me if I would like to see him. I had neither expected nor anticipated the question. Since it’s his birthday, he is – from my point of view – the one who decides about our reunion. However, I have the impression that I should decide.. and I am of the opinion that I do not have the right to decide about his need.
I am irritated by this situation. Does he take my feelings into consideration even though he doesn’t have to? Or is he trying to prevent me from letting go and to strengthen his ego (according to the motto she still feels something for me)??
Looking forward to your comment. Greetings, Jenni
Norman Brenner says:
thank you for your personal contribution to the topic =)
I’m sorry that I’m answering a bit too late for this specific case, but I’ll leave you my thoughts anyway:
Of course, it’s hard to judge what his exact motives are now. Sure, he might want to keep you "happy" somehow, so as not to lose you as an "option". Could also be that he really wants to see you, but can’t/won’t admit that and in this way wants to feel out if you would be open to it.. Or there is something completely different behind it…
In the end, however, it does not matter why he does it. Because with your reaction it should not depend on his intentions, but on yours. If you really want to take care of yourself and be true to yourself, then you should ask yourself what you want. Regardless of him, because his intention should not change anything about that. After all, you are doing it for you and not for him =)
thank you for your answer. We saw each other on his birthday. He wanted to (and I wanted him too in a way).
Currently it is still difficult for me to shift the focus from him to me and my needs.. and not to fall back into self-reproach by his statements or actions ("You know it wasn’t because of that"/ selling his car that I was allowed to use for a while)..
From personal experience from the relationship before, I can only advise everyone to give the ex-partner his space after the separation. At that time I was running after my ex, we had a big fight after the separation and I got into a total emotional dependency. As hard as it is to distance yourself from your ex and to focus on yourself – and yes, that’s what I’m doing again right now – it’s very important for your own health. That’s why I’m currently practicing letting go, self-focus and trust in life. Somehow everything comes as it should, even if it is difficult at first to trust.
Thank you for your views. Many greetings, Jenni
Norman Brenner says:
nice to read from you again =)
Yes, this is not an easy task. But reading how aware you are about all this, I do think you will manage just fine.
/>Sven Ziebehl says:
I’m such a candidate who desperately wants his EX back, wanted to…..
But you gave me a real kick and opened my eyes with your video, I now understand what to do!
Despair, inner rage, wrong thoughts,…. do not bring me further.
I will not be able to follow your advice with all my might but I will follow it, life goes on and we will see what will come. &
Now I have there one, two things I need to ask.
My EX has completely broken off contact, on Facebook, WhatsApp, by phone and also in person which is not nice but is to be accepted.
But now there is one more thing, we will see each other in the morning on the way to work and in the evening on the way home! What do I do then, how should I behave?.
I don’t want to look away when I see them but rather smile, is that right?!?
Some time ago when we were still together I bought her birthday present and her birthday is now in a few days. What should I do, should I give it to her as a present, hang it on the car or on the front door of.
I don’t want to throw away the gift, but I can’t give it back either, that doesn’t make the business.
What do I do?
Norman, for two tips I would be very grateful
Norman Brenner says:
thanks for your personal contribution =)
I’m glad that you have freed yourself from this "victim situation" and thus have a bit more of your happiness in your own hands again!
To your questions:
As for going to work, it’s probably best if you just say hello nicely but don’t expect anything.
If you ignore them or something like that, it just creates something again that gets in your way and drains your energy. Yes, it is not the nicest situation, but maybe a bus/train can be taken earlier or later? Of course you shouldn’t turn your whole life upside down, but everybody has to know what he can "handle" and if such confrontations can prevent him from. hinder him in letting go.
As for the birthday present (I’m probably a bit late with my answer, sorry): Could you vll. make someone else happy with it? So not to impress a new woman or something, I would find that rather inappropriate, but can it vll. someone need or would be happy you know?
If you give it to her, it will only provoke some expectations or thoughts again, no matter on which side. And it seems that you can’t give it back. And when it’s lying around with you, it always reminds you too. Therefore I would find this a good solution and in the end someone is still happy about it =)
my ex left me about 3 weeks ago. I am also pregnant by him, the child was not planned, but we are both looking forward to it despite the separation and he also said that he wants to and will take care of the child. He also accompanied me to the gynecologist last week, but unfortunately he wasn’t allowed in because of Corona, but I told him everything.
The reason for the separation was that he does not know if he can imagine a future with me. There were few conflicts and we harmonized well in the relationship. When he told me this, we didn’t know about the pregnancy yet, but found out shortly afterwards. He told me that he definitely wants to keep in touch with me, if only because of the child. I could also contact him anytime, he would always be there for me and also confirmed last time that he would be ready immediately if I needed anything. Of course I was sad, because it came very suddenly and therefore refused, because I can manage alone also well. I didn’t want to keep in touch with him because I needed some time for myself. I also wanted to give him some time to think about it.
I must also say that we have not done much in the last few months, mainly because of the Corona measures and he has changed his job.
When we met at the doctor’s office we talked normally and innocuously. At least from my point of view. The distance made me calm down and I realized that with the child I will now have a completely different life. How he felt about the conversation, I can not say. Anyway, after the doctor’s visit I was just happy because I saw my child for the first time and felt unbridled joy, so that even the separation receded into the background. He was also happy about the child and that it will be a girl. He said to me that we should keep contact now. I said yes, but for the time being I want to limit the contact to the child only.
He contacted me at the beginning of the week asking how I and the child were doing. He also reacted to my answers within minutes.
I will of course make sure that he and my daughter build a good relationship and a good connection is formed.
When I also see the news, I realize that he always contacted me in the last weeks. Since the breakup we haven’t talked about the relationship and I don’t feel the need for clarification as I think everything has been said.
I know that we are talking about letting go and of course that is not so easy in our situation. But I still wonder if there is a new chance and maybe we have a future as a family? Of course, no one can answer that for me, since no one can look into the head of my ex. You can also speculate a lot.. I just don’t know if I should start the attempt of closer contact after all the contact attempts. I’m just a little worried that I might suffer more then because it’s too early. But the special situation also requires a concession.
Norman Brenner says:
thank you for your personal contribution =)
This is indeed a not so simple situation.
First of all, I’m glad to read that for both of you the child and his well-being is in the first place. I think that is already a very good starting point =)
The question on a second chance, I can not answer you of course also. But I can tell you that as long as you are asking yourself this question, you haven’t really let go of it. This could lead to the next big disappointment, if you get your hopes up again because of this.
Maybe you can talk to him and explain that you first need some distance to let him go and that this serves as a basis so that you can then, when the child is there, more freely maintain contact for the child?
Just a thought from me. I don’t really have any experience with such a situation myself.
In the end you have to decide for yourself how much contact you want and can cope with and what is better for you and the child.
I hope nevertheless, my short train of thought to it helps you something.
Hello, I was recently dumped. When we wanted to renovate the apartment, he realized that he sees no future in us, besides, he would have liked to be alone after work, but I was (corona conditioned) almost always there. He has been thinking about it for 2 weeks, the decision was so hard for him because he really loves me.
It’s not our first breakup, a few years ago he left me because he didn’t know was he wanted, if there wasn’t someone better. Whether he doesn’t prefer to travel for years instead of starting a family. He said no matter what he decides, he is always afraid to miss something.
At that time I was really bad, when we saw each other there was still something going on but actually I cried for 5 weeks continuously. Then he realized that I am his anchor, he now knows what he wants and took me back.
And today we are here again, I advised him to get professional advice, because he never knows what he wants in life and then he broke up with me. He still doesn’t know if this is the right thing to do but he doesn’t want to postpone any more decisions and now we would both be very sad about it but in the future it will make us happier.
But the sad thing is that I was totally happy, we were not only partners but also best friends and maybe I will find someone else but surely no one better.
But the worst thing is that this time I really have to let go and not hope for a return, because in the end I will never feel safe with this man and always have to fear that he will leave again..
Norman Brenner says:
thanks for your personal contribution =)
I know from experience that usually with changes in life (move, new job, wedding, child …) also the relationship is tested again and again. But basically it’s a good thing, because if something is wrong, I think it’s better to realize it sooner than later.
Also that one does not break such a decision over the knee, but goes a certain time "pregnant" with it, I can understand well. After all, as a couple you have usually invested quite a bit in the relationship so far.
Your last sentence pretty much sums it up for me. You have to think about it from your perspective, not his. What is the best for you? And there you have already realized that it is rather not beneficial to cling to this relationship.
As far as "not finding someone better" is concerned, I can tell you from my own experience that this is a very normal thought, which probably everyone has had at some point and which has probably been disproved at some point. We simply cannot imagine what we do not yet know. But in order to get to know something new, we first have to get rid of the old. I wish you a lot of strength.
/>Andrea Sch. Says:
12 years ago I also had to make the experience and let someone go without wanting to. My ex husband left me and the kids for another woman. It took years until I finally understood and I found my way back to a normal life. Now it happened at the beginning of the year and I finally, for the very first time, got involved with a man again. It was really for me as if I knew him forever. Unfortunately it happened and he broke off contact overnight because he wants to protect me. He still has some issues to deal with, is currently in therapy because of a failed relationship and some other things.We had a nice 2 months, wanted to take it slow and he played it straight from the start. I know that I can’t change his decision and it still hurts to understand it.He said I was a very good wife and friend and did not want to hurt me. Therefore he has to decide against me.I would already like to keep him as a good friend, only I am afraid of my feelings for him. I had already fallen a little in love with him. From his side I can’t say it, because he was quite controlled and always blocked when it came to showing feelings. What should I do, tell him that I don’t want to lose him as a good friend?. Or stop the contact completely, he doesn’t contact me anyway until now.
Norman Brenner says:
thank you for your open contribution =)
Unfortunately I can’t answer this question either. I do not know your feelings and him and your relationship. In the end you just have to decide for yourself what you want and what you want to participate in.
It may be that someone’s desire for friendship prevails and that friendly interaction is then possible and enriching. But it can also be that this opens up an old wound again and again. That is very individual. I would advise you to listen to your gut feeling. If you don’t know this, then picture both options very clearly. Best on different days.
Imagine what it will be like if you stay friends. How you feel about it. How it goes on. If he finds another woman etc… Imagine this really extensively and pay attention to your gut feeling. Do you have a bad feeling or nevertheless a tingling, good feeling??
And then check out the other option. What says your belly there?
What could also help you is this post. In it is a short test described, with which you can find out with 3 questions whether you should let go of something:
The article applies unfortunately to99% to me.I find it excessively difficult to let her go.we have been married for 13 and a half years a couple of them five years and have a beautiful six year old daughter.they both mean the world to me and I can’t cope with it because they will be gone soon.we are currently still living together and looking for separate apartments.We agree that we must find a reasonable basis for the well-being of our princess, but again and again I am overrun by my feelings and have often played with the idea of taking my life!I can’t stand all this anymore.we have had some pretty intense arguments in the last few weeks.I have driven her even further away from me!Every day I fight with the tears and can’t find a reasonable way.she has already found a replacement which makes it even more difficult for me to deal with all of this!She goes away in the evening and comes back in the morning.when I manage to concentrate on myself, it takes a maximum of two to three days until I fall into an even deeper hole.I have no energy and no strength left!I still love her!To me everything seems so hopeless.I am in a vicious circle of emotions that permanently affect me.Unfortunately I don’t know how to deal with it.many of the symptoms mentioned apply to me.I am now aware that there will never be a WE again for me.it’s over and will never be the same again and this thought is driving me crazy again right now.
Norman Brenner says:
thank you for your open report and first of all sorry for the late answer!
It honestly sounds a lot like an emotional dependency to me. Do you already know my contribution to it?
Especially the point that you have already played with the thought of taking your own life, I find very alarming.
Of course relationships are important. And especially family and of course your own children play a huge role. But: In spite of everything you are and will always be an independent person with your own life. Or. should remain.
But if the whole meaning of life is so tied to one or more other people, that is very unhealthy.
I would therefore advise you in any case to rediscover your own sense of life. What drives you? What do you want to do with your precious life time?? ..
You can find more help on this here:
Once you find enough reason and joy in your own life, you will need others less. And paradoxically, this is exactly what makes others prefer to have you in their lives as well.
i can very well understand how you feel. I was also in such a situation. And I know how much that pulls the rug out from under you. And how desperate you are in such a situation. One(s) is totally overwhelmed with so many emotions and heartbreak.
Norman Brenner says: