In the beginning everything is great. Your tummy is tingling, your hormones are going crazy and life is just plain fun.
But eventually it catches up with you. You love your partner, you have common hobbies and spend enough time together. But you often feel lonely. And you have no idea where it comes from. After all, you are not alone.
You already know this from your last relationship Maybe you even broke up because you thought it was because of him.
Read this article if you want to finally feel connected!
Lonely despite relationship – when does it happen to you?
Now I ask you to be completely honest with yourself. In which of these 3 situations do you recognize yourself??
1. When the partner is there, everything is OK
Many people think that a partnership protects them from being lonely. They try to plug the hole they feel inside them through companionship. And it works – at least temporarily.
When the other is there, you feel good. But once the other is gone, you feel lonely. You ask yourself: What should I do now? What am I dealing with now? With whom I could spend time instead?
Is that how you feel?
2. Lonely despite company
You have a partner by your side. Your relationship is going quite well so far. Yet you feel lonely all the time. You don’t understand it yourself, because it’s there. And so are others, like friends, family or co-workers. But the gnawing feeling of loneliness catches up with you again and again. Even when you’re in company.
Do you know the?
3. Alone everything is great
Alone you know a lot to do with yourself. You enjoy having time for yourself alone. You can deal well with yourself.
But in your partnership it looks completely different. You have nothing to say to each other. You feel misunderstood. You live like railroad tracks next to each other.
Where do you find yourself? Having clarity here is critical to knowing what you can do.
If you find yourself in situation 1 or 2, then you should definitely read on here. This article is written just for you!
In situation 3 you should take care of your relationship. The exercises from this article might help you.
Loneliness ≠ Being alone
Superficially, both words describe the same situation. But there’s a big difference between loneliness and being alone. A person can often be alone and does not necessarily have to feel lonely.
Conversely, a person can feel lonely even though they are not alone. So this feeling can also come when we are in a relationship or have many friends.
Feelings of loneliness do not arise because we are alone, but because we feel alone. We can be in the densest crowd or in the arms of a loved one and still feel lonely.
But then what is it if not the presence of other people that gives us a sense of togetherness?
The solution lies in yourself! There is a hole inside you that only you can fill!
In loneliness you are constantly searching outside. You are not with yourself and in thoughts with the other one. Something is missing. You look for your fulfillment outside. It should make you happy. You give him a responsibility he can’t live up to.
Learn to love being alone and you will never feel lonely again!
Your job is to take responsibility for your solitude! Learn to love being alone. When you can be happy and content just with yourself, you find fulfillment. You no longer need the other. You discover your happiness in yourself. You are enough for yourself. (Which is not to say that a partner can’t contribute to your happiness.)
When we are born we are helpless. Besides food and care, we also need love, otherwise we die. We want to feel loved, seen and connected.
It is usually our parents who give us this.
If a deficit arises in our childhood on one of these levels, we are in need of it for a lifetime. But instead of looking for it outside and being disappointed again and again, heal these "wounds" within yourself.
It is your responsibility
What you can do to heal those wounds: Accept, first of all, that no one else can help you be happy. You yourself are responsible for it. Inside of you there is only you, there you are always alone. Don’t run away from it. Stop, feel inside, become aware of yourself. Learn to love being alone, it tells you so much about yourself.
If you give yourself these 3 things, you will never feel lonely again: Love, Connection, Being Seen and Being Understood. It is up to you to give it to yourself.
If you can do that, you no longer need to depend on someone else to feel good. This is freedom – and the best starting point for a fulfilling relationship!
Spend some time with yourself every day for that. And only with yourself. Go inside yourself. Feel that sense of being alone. Feel the independence that comes with that feeling.
Practice being alone. Every day, a little bit. Go inside yourself and connect with your inner self. Without distraction. Only YOU.
So I was forced to learn to love being alone
In August 2013 it happened. I broke my right ankle in a complicated way in a fall while climbing. It had to be operated immediately. This was followed by a few weeks of holding still, with leg up and a total of 12 weeks on the crutches.
Around me, everyone was working "normally", my best friend had just left for a long trip to Europe… So I was very much alone.
I did not know that. I have always kept myself busy. I never needed time for myself alone. But because of the accident it has become completely different!
I had time, a lot of time. I didn’t know much to do with myself at first. Then also reading and television became boring. And then I started to use the time for myself. I have dealt with me. Asked me a lot of questions. Listened into me. And also deals with my accident. Cause I don’t believe that something like that happens to you by chance.
I got to know myself much better during this time. And above all I have learned to appreciate the time with me alone. Today I don’t want to miss them!
In the past I would never go alone to a cafe to have a coffee. Today I love it!