Lack of affection in childhood, consequences and effects

Those who experienced too little love as a child feel the consequences into adulthood. For a child, the love of parents and social environment is the essence of growing up carefree and becoming a happy adult. When a child suffers from a lack of affection, it is enormously important to bridge this gap. This is the only way healthy development is still possible.

Lack of interest o. Affection from parents, Copyright: varrt835, bigstockphoto

  • Fact block& Effects
  • Why affection is so important for a child
  • The consequences of a lack of affection
  • 1. Lack of self-confidence
  • 2. Difficulty opening up
  • 3. Anxiety and anxiety disorders
  • Other consequences:
  • This is how your child gets enough affection
  • Sources

Fact block& Effects

  • Affection is the most important basic emotional need of a child.
  • A child should not have to buy the affection of parents, it should be unconditional.
  • Lack of affection has consequences into adulthood. The consequences accompany a person for a lifetime.
  • Parents who had to deal with love deprivation themselves as a child also find it difficult to show their love to their own children.
  • Showing affection is a skill that can be learned.

Why affection is so important for a child

Without affection a child cannot develop properly. This view was not always held. In the days of behaviorism, the view was held that conditioning the child’s behavior was the correct and most important educational feature.

Desirable behaviors were rewarded and negative ones punished. In this way, the child is steered in the "right direction" by external stimuli or praise and blame. Excessive affection, especially during periods when the child was "difficult", was considered rather harmful.

Fortunately, this is no longer the case today. Meanwhile, educators and psychologists believe that affection and love are the most important basis for a good upbringing. This does not mean that the child should be showered with love and spoiled. Of course, it is important to show him boundaries and to transmit certain values and rules. Otherwise it would not be able to cope in our society. It is more about the feeling of being accepted.

Even if a child does something wrong, he or she needs to feel loved. It is not the task of a child to buy the love of parents with good behavior and right deeds. Love and affection are unconditional basic goods that are available to the child at all times. This creates a basic trust, which describes the trust that people are good and benevolent.

Only when a child feels this, he can build a stable self-esteem and have healthy relationships later on. A person without basic trust will search for it throughout his or her life, and this brings with it the danger of problematic relationships.

The consequences of a lack of affection

What we experience in childhood, we carry with us our whole existence. Childhood is the most formative phase in life, and if a basic need such as affection is only inadequately satisfied, this can have fatal consequences:

1. Lack of self-confidence

A child who grows up without affection always has the feeling of not being good enough. He sees the withdrawal of love as a justified punishment for his own imperfection. This is not the way to develop self-confidence, after all, where is it supposed to come from?? Most of the time it develops into extremely insecure people who cannot believe in themselves and their abilities. People with low self-esteem often find it very difficult to say "no" and make it clear that something is bothering them, they don’t want something or they can’t do something. Often they also can not set limits and do very difficult with the "say no". The fear of being rejected again is just too big.

2. Difficulty in opening up

If the basic trust is missing, it is very difficult to trust other people. People who have not experienced enough love in childhood are usually very closed and do not like to be looked into the soul. If someone is interested in them or wants to do something good for them, they are basically distrustful. There is always an evil intention behind everything.

3. Fear and anxiety disorders

Lack of affection in childhood can lead to an anxious adult. The fear of making a wrong decision or that something bad will happen is always present. Even towards very "banal" things, like taking the train, asking someone for directions or eating in public, can set in. It is not uncommon for relationship anxiety to develop because the fear of rejection is excessive.

Other consequences:

  • Loneliness,
  • Depression,
  • Tendency to unhealthy relationships,
  • self-harming behavior,
  • suicidal thoughts or
  • Eating disorders.

How to give your child enough affection

For parents who have experienced little affection themselves in childhood, it can be very difficult to then show this to their own children. They often just don’t know how, that doesn’t mean they don’t love their child. They only find it difficult to express love.

But this can be learned. When a child comes into the world, physical contact is the most important thing. One conveys basic trust to an infant by satisfying its needs. Thus he makes the experience that he is not alone. Therefore, it is not an option to simply let a baby cry, even if this is still declared as an educational measure.

As a result, it feels a lack of love and attention. It is important to satisfy the needs as soon as possible. If a child then becomes older, respect and appreciation come in addition to care. The child has a mind of its own, whether the parents like it or not. This of course you do not always have to meet, but take seriously.

Your child is capable of thinking for himself and wants these thoughts to be taken seriously. Even if a child makes mistakes, parents should stand behind him and support him in his defeats. Of course, it is also important to hold your child in your arms and let him or her feel your closeness all the time.

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